oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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