dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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