Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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