I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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