Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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