hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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