Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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