I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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