My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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