im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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