dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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