Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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