I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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