Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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