Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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