Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
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So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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