My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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