honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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