For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize