There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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