I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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