I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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