I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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