You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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