He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize