You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize