Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

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(604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. http://tfl.nu/udpd

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(706): View more from Georgia

Did we have sex?

(1-706): View more from Georgia

No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left

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(706): Did we have sex? (1-706): No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left http://tfl.nu/lup5

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.

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(203): She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock. http://tfl.nu/zr1r

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(503): View more from Oregon

What's wrong?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

(503): View more from Oregon

Pussy.

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(503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt

Replies (18) Good night (774) Bad night (2129)
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(310): View more from California

i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

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(310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy

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(937): View more from Ohio

He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.

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(937): He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face. http://tfl.nu/s86z

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

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(920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g

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(207): View more from Maine

I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.

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(207): I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee. http://tfl.nu/4bjn

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(501): View more from Arkansas

One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.

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(501): One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/77ib

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(682): View more from Texas

I plan on gettn treatment center drunk

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(682): I plan on gettn treatment center drunk http://tfl.nu/t6du

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(319): View more from Iowa

We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

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(319): We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world. http://tfl.nu/rh6u

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

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(918): he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/so4p

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(313): View more from Michigan

Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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(313): Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career. http://tfl.nu/jur5

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang

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(412): I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang http://tfl.nu/dtxk

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(562): View more from California

My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners

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(562): My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners http://tfl.nu/wmf3

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