My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize