RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drake has all the answers
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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