have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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