You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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