i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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