drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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