If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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