he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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