:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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