I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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