I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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