what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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