my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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