my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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