don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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