Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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