first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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