he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I currently don't understand fingers.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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