I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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