Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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