Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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