Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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