hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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